Thank God I have you in my life

WARNING; LONG WORDY POINTLESS POST.

In the middle of the night, I'm having random thoughts. Anyway how long have it been since I last posted my feelings here?..

I have no idea why I'm thinking about all these, but I do. It might be a good thing though. I wanna treat my boy better. By showing him lesser fucked up attitudes will do. I know it myself that my attitude really sucks. I can't stand it either but my boy would always tolerate me.. And still love me. For who I am. Although he really want me to change, but he said he wouldn't mind if I did not change. He'll still love me. As much. I never thought that I'll ever find someone who loves me this much. He's always treating me good. Maybe not the exactly the way I wanted but he's trying his very best to treat me right. Why am I still demanding so much? I mean we have different characters, opinions, mind-set and personality. I can't expect him to love me and treat me the way I wanted to, right? All I have to know is, he love me with all his heart and treating me the way he feel it's the best.

I really want to change. Not only for him and this r/s, but for myself to change to a btr person and change for people around me. But my boy gave in to me too much... That I took him for granted and showed him the kind of attitude that I've never showed anyone else before. Which is of course, more worst than the usual. I have no idea how he manage to tolerate me for two years. Two freaking years going three soon.

I'm really lucky, ain't I? To have such a great boyfriend by me. Holding onto this r/s no matter how hard the situation gets. I honestly think that his love for me is deeper than the love I have for him but I don't really want it this way. I want to love him more than he love me. I'd rather suffer than let him be the one that suffers. I'm gonna love him more from now onwards and try my very fucking best to treat him right. I hope I can do it. Somehow I wanna return back to the past when he didnt love me this much but I know I cant. So i wanna make things better for us. Now.

Hey Baby, I know you'd read this... I want you to know... I love you. So much.... Xoxo.

(P/S: its wordy, I know. just for my thoughts.)